lime-sorbet FAQ

2009-07-04T23:23:00.008+08:00

This is the official FAQ listing for www.lime-sorbet.blogspot.com. The author is very pissed off by the irritating nature of such questions, and the fact that you idiots never cease to ask them proves that you just don't get my explanations.

This post will hopefully eliminate all doubts and uncertainties you may have about lime-sorbet and myself (the author).

Note: This entry will be updated whenever necessary. That basically means whenever I'm sick of having a particular question posed to me and want to eliminate it forever.

~".*."~

1) Why did you name your blog "lime-sorbet"?

Ans: To be absolutely honest, it was absolutely random. I had no idea what to name my blog, then I realized one of my MapleStory friends had a blog called "strawberryjamandbuttertoast". So I got the idea of naming my blog after a food. Since I like sorbet, and I also like lime-flavoured stuff, I chose lime-sorbet! Simple as that. No hidden meaning behind it. Although if you want, you can say that my blog is tangy and refreshing, yet cold and sharp at the same time. :)

2) How often do you update lime-sorbet?

Ans: As often as possible, though if there really isn't anything interesting to blog about (e.g. an interesting occurrence in the day, or a pressing social issue), I'll try not to waste space and end up pushing previous entries off the front page and into the archives.

3a) Why do you always insult people on your blog?

Ans: Because I find it easier to do that than to confront them in real life. Call me a coward, but let's face it - if I insult them in real life, I'm gonna get punched. So I'm actually smarter than all you childish brutes who go around beating each other up in person.

3b) Well, you don't have to be racist.

Ans: I never was racist/sexist/ageist in any entry. If you're talking about something like my "How to be an Ah Lian" post, then I'm sorry, because you're just too narrow-minded. That post was IN CHARACTER. It doesn't reflect TRUE OPINION, and as a matter of fact, the text wasn't even racist. For goodness' sake, if minahs want to give a better impression, then they shouldn't be doing whatever they're doing right now - which so happens to be exactly what I wrote in that entry.

4) Why do you have such controversial ways of expressing your opinion (e.g. the Trina Tan saga)?

Ans: Because it makes for a more interesting read. I'm not a news reporter, I'm a blogger. And if my posts are interesting, I get more readers. More readers = more money for me through Nuffnang. And if I can still get my view across in the process... why not? I have the gift of the gab, so let me use it.

5) How the hell do you come up with such language and descriptions?!

Ans: Natural talent. You don't have any, obviously. All it takes is some inference to answer your own question, but it's apparent that your brain is unable to wire itself up correctly, and since it didn't explode in the process, the only other option was to let the world know of your intellectual deficiency.

6a) Your blog's "humour" isn't even funny.

Ans: It is, you're just too shallow to understand it, or too stuck-up to appreciate it.

6b) But sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, according to Oscar Wilde.

Ans: No, it is not. It is the most cutting, the most acidic, and the most bitter form of wit, but never the lowest.

7) You flamed/defamed/slandered me in one of your entries. Why won't you remove it?

Ans: If I truly flamed or defamed you, it means you did something to deserve it, such as insulting me past my threshold or making insensitive remarks about something I value. I will provide you with ample retribution, whether you want it or not. Your deed will be immortalized in print, and I will proceed to dismantle your ego piece by piece. Of course, if you genuinely apologize for your transgression(s), I may consider removing/editing the entry, maybe even adding a touch of contrition.

If my post simply gave you a "bad image" (e.g. by making fun of your mannerisms, weight, sex life, etc.), then I most probably will not take it down. I'm sure people tease you in real life, so why not online?

As for slander... I do not slander. At most, I exaggerate. And I will not remove such entries unless you somehow manage to convince me that I made a mistake and that your actions were not as grave as to deserve a spot on lime-sorbet.

8) Why are your blog posts so colourful? And what's with the bolding of words?

Ans: It's been a habit of mine to colour and bold words in my entries. At first, it was done to emphasize key points in the sentences/paragraphs. Then it became a habit, and now, against my better judgement, I have begun to bold and colour almost every alternate noun, verb and adjective. =.=

9) I see the word "sic" in many of your entries. What does it mean?

Ans: "Sic" means that grammatical and/or spelling errors in the quote were included intentionally. I usually do this to preserve the "flavour" and "identity" of the quote, most probably due to the nature/linguistic ability of the person being quoted.

10) If I make a request for you to blog something (e.g. a notice/advertisement), what are the odds of you posting it? Will it be sent to me for vetting first?

Ans: As of now, lime-sorbet is not commercialized. It still serves as a personal blog. That may change in the future, but I am still open to suggestions on what to blog. If it concerns a social issue, I will see if I am interested in the issue and have an opinion on it first. Such blog entries will not be sent to you for vetting, because they reflect my own opinion (no matter how superficial or exaggerated), not yours.

If it is a request for me to put up a notice on my blog, I will most probably do it if it is relevant to me or people I know. Blog entries serving as notices will not be sent for vetting as they are mostly straightforward and will not contain ambiguous language.

If I receive the honour of being made to advertise something, please give me some background info on the subject/product first. If I am interested in it (or really desperate for some publicity), I may dedicate a blog post (or section of a blog post) to it. Payment is not necessary, since lime-sorbet is not commercialized at the current moment, though tips are appreciated, seeing that I'm a materialistic, elitist socialite. Advertorials will most probably be sent for vetting to make sure the product's description fits your oh-so-wonderful tastes. However, sarcasm and usual lime-sorbet humour should not be removed in the process, because that is to be expected, seeing that you chose lime-sorbet to advertise your shit. If you want a deeper opinion, choose your local newspaper, not me.

11) Are you from Scotland?

Ans: No. You're a freaking retard if you think people's middle names have anything to do with their country of birth. Is my dad from Malcolmland? Is his sister from Margueriteland? No! So shut up and get lost, it isn't even funny anymore. And no, I'm not Uzbek. That thing in the "Jordan FAQ" post was one of the lamest retorts/comebacks ever made, and some people are actually stupid enough to believe it. Like, what the hell?!

12) Why can't you do Maths?

Ans: My whole family can't. I guess it runs in the genes. I am not stupid because I cannot do Maths. Neither are you stupid because you cannot do Geography or write creatively. The fact of the matter is that you're just stupid, and I'm just unable to do Maths. Get it? All I need to know for Maths is how to count and how to calculate my money. I don't need any calculus or algebra or axiom theory unless I want to learn it myself. The thing I hate is having mathematics forced on me as a compulsory academic subject past the elementary level.

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lime-sorbet FAQ